Why is Kearney always so selfish?

I have a new boyfriend and all Kearney can think of doing is stealing him from me. Before he even knows who I am and how much I love him.

So, maybe I don't really have a new boyfriend or any desire for one. But I have a book...which I discovered, in a toy store...which I discovered. And it was written (illustrated and printed) by someone who lives in our neighborhood by some guy who is our age... all of which was discovered by moi and then Kearney is all, "Oooo, I think I am crushing on this mystery man who is obviously totally in love with Daniel."

That rat. But Kearney is generous enough to tell me he will back off from my territory if our man of intrigue is "redheaded or fat."

He will end up being straight anyway, and then Lisa gets him.

or if he is gay he will just end up preferring Michael anyway. Figures.